REAL MUSIC

Well, I heard Madonna's new album, American Life, over the weekend, and, as the reviews suggest, it sucks. It is appropriate that it was my old buddy, Lex, who brought the album over and played it for me. Lex and I have been both friends and Madonna fans since we were in high school together back in the early and mid 1980s. We've seen two Madonna concerts togther, the "Who's That Girl?" show, and the "Blonde Ambition" show. It was Lex's father's copy of Madonna's failed work of "erotic" photo-literature crap, Sex, that kicked off my current period of Madonna skepticism. Lex described the new album perfectly: it sounds like it was recorded by a high school girl with buttloads of money. Indeed. American Life's simple yet uncatchy melodies backed with utterly predictable, stripped down arrangements (by lack of vision rather than artistry) are clearly the product of Madonna's increased dominance of both the songwriting and producing responsibilities on her albums. She's a performer, not an idea man.

Here's a brief, forgettable example of her latest belching fit entitled, appropriately enough, "I'm So Stupid."

Thanks to Lex for both bringing the album over for me to hear, and for his "high school girl" criticism. Isn't he great? Lex really does know about these things, and he should. He's spent a lot of time living in New York City's Chelsea neighborhood--in Chelsea, I imagine, Madonna is high culture.

This calls for a song.

Here is my ode to Lex, "Alexis from Texas."

Unlike Madonna, I don't have buttloads of money--I barely have any money, in fact, and that's probably for the best. I do hope, however, that I am able to outdo Madonna in the realm of sincerity.

Who am I kidding?

At this point, sincerity, like creativity, is something that Madonna seems to be sorely lacking. Outdoing her sincerity ought to be pretty easy.

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