BRITNEY SPEARS SUCKS

As if I needed to tell you. However, I've been meaning to take a shot at America's favorite skank ever since she and Madonna hooked up at MTV's Video Music Awards a while back: two good anti-Britney articles have come my way, so the time is now.

First up, a good Britney hater article from the Washington Post via the Houston Chronicle:

Britney moving up on the hate parade

Girls, especially pre-pubescent girls, want desperately to grow up. Britney gave them a way to do that. At the tender ages of 8, 9 and 10 they became thong feminists singing that they would do whatever it takes to snag a man. This drove older, pantsuit feminists crazy.

Did we work our way into America's boardrooms for this, the pantsuits asked.

Every quote that came out of Britney's mouth confirmed their impression that she was a lightweight.

"I like lighthearted, girl-flick, love-story movies," she told the Associated Press. "It's easy to watch, not that deep."

Newsweek quotes Britney saying she's "been into a lot of Indian spiritual religions." Is Hinduism one of them? She replies: "What's that? Is it like kabbalah?"

Click here for more.

Next, a scathingly satirical review of Skanky's new album In the Zone from the San Francisco Gate via J. Orlin Grabbe:

There's more to Britney than the porn persona

Still, it's great to hear Britney tossing aside all that "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" nonsense and just getting on with her sexuality. Maybe if Paul McCartney did that during the heyday of the Beatles they wouldn't have put out terrible drug records like "Sgt. Pepper's" and made something more intense, like "Touch of My Hand," Britney's totally intense tribute to masturbation, where she goes, "I love myself/ It's not a sin/ I can't control what's happenin' ... I'm going to teach myself to fly!" There won't be a pair of dry Levi's in the house when that video comes out.

Click here for the rest.

Both articles give great reasons for thinking that Spears sucks. In fact, you ought to read them and then post some unflattering comments about her in the Real Art comment section below. But I want to explain why I hate Britney.

I could hate her for being an anti-feminist icon. I could hate her for being an awful role model for young women and girls. I could hate her just because she's a trashy skank, and a insincere one at that--I personally prefer my porn to be straight up and honest. I could hate her because she brings new heights (or depths) to the word "stupid." I could hate her for her insipidly bland and unmemorable music which I couldn't recall if I had a gun to my head. Actually, I do hate her for all those reasons. But the reason for which I hate her the most is that she's the perfect personification of what the corporate entertainment industry has been ramming down our throats for many years now: plastic, recycled crap-as-art that appeals only to humanity's basest instincts. In short, I hate Britney Spears because she is a blow-up doll with a Muzak feed wired through its mouth, utterly unsatisfying, ultimately annoying.

God, how I miss Rick Springfield.

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