Why Don't Teens Date Anymore?

From a Psychology Today advice column, presumably written by an actual psychologist:

These "hook-ups" also seem to be replacing dating. It seems that males and females are equally aggressive these days and have embraced a culture of "friends with benefits" the benefits being physical encounters without the strings of relationships attached.

It is both possible and likely that since many teen girls are making themselves available in two roles-that of the "aggressor" and "available" there is less motivation for the boys to ask them to date. The old expression 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' seems to apply here. And, believe me I am not a fan of either referring to females as cows or of this expression. It simply seems to apply to the current teen scene.

My concern is that there has been a move away from relationship-based sex to recreational sex. I am concerned as well that disconnnected sex may be too much for our teens to handle emotionally. Sexual intimacy often leaves teens emotionally vulnerable and at risk for disappointment, embarrassment, and sadness. Perhaps, we have failed to teach our children about the relationship between the heart, the body, and the mind when it comes to physical intimacy. The sorry state of affairs (no pun intended) is that teens are more distressed than they let on to when their Saturday night "hook-up" doesn't remember their name or even the "hook-up" itself on Monday morning in English class.

More here.

"Those damned teens aren't doing it like we did it back when we were teens! Makes me damned uncomfortable! And get the hell offa my lawn!"

It's very tempting to dismiss this kind of bullshit as just another moron, Ph.D notwithstanding, mouthing off the same old generational angst about how youngsters aren't the same as they were back when they were youngsters. In fact, I do dismiss it that way: big fuck if teenagers are into no-strings sex. I hardly think it really ranks up there with poverty or war or even the impending NBA non-season. So what? The kids are alright. Let 'em have sex without romantic relationships. They'll be fine.

What I find interesting about this little advice column upon which I inadvertently stumbled is that it addresses, ever so indirectly, the subject of the ongoing changing nature of male/female relationships, families, too.

Let's recap a bit here. When our nation changed from an agriculturally based economy to an industry based one, it spelled the end of the extended family. On a family farm, big numbers of children and cousins and aunts and uncles meant a larger work force, and made good economic sense. But in cities, where most of these farming families ended up after the industrial revolution, big numbers were nothing but a drain on family resources. This was the rise of the nuclear family as the basic societal unit for the United States. Some decades later we started to see the beginning of the end of the nuclear family: indeed, single parent households are on the rise around the world, and it is apparently a growing trend. There are numerous theories and speculations about why this is occurring, especially among the religious who blame what they perceive as an erosion of sexual morality, but there are also economic and social theories, the kind to which I naturally gravitate, that focus on mass incarceration of males in minority populations, or the devastation of the working and middle classes. But whatever the reasons, there can be no mistake that there are massive social forces at play here, or else the phenomenon would not be so widespread.

So back to teenagers: if, in fact, teens today are far more into "hooking up" than they are into romantic relationships, and I have no reason to doubt Dr. Moron who wrote the above linked column, what social forces are making this happen? I mean, it's not as though teenagers all got together in some sort of online meeting and decided en masse to stop having romantic relationships. Something is pushing this, and I'd like to know what. I'd also like to know if this is our future, if we're doomed as a society to being not much more than strangers in the night with each other. Like I said, I'm totally cool with teens just getting together and banging away instead of getting all mushy--indeed, teen romances aren't terribly substantial in the long run, more like practicing romance than actually having it. But if this is coming from some sort of economic or governmental action, we need to understand it, and perhaps get ourselves organized so as to head it off before the notion of family becomes nothing but quaint.

I mean, my family pisses me off and annoys me, but I love them, and there's value to family if only for that. I'd hate for capitalism, or stupid plutocratic government, to destroy this ancient human tradition.

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